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Deja Vu

A few weeks ago Rena and I were in bed watching TV and there was something said about deja vu. Rena asked me what it was and when I explained it, she started laughing because she thought deja vu was a type of karate. Her and I laughed out loud for a while. I tried to remember and tell her about the times I heard a different word in a song. One of my first cassette tapes was Chicago and the song "Hard Habit to Break" said "Living without you is all a big mistake". Of course I heard "Living without you is like a big steak". For some reason at 10 years old this made sense to me.

Even to this day I can't get things right. I'm known to my friends as the girl who can't say a cliche right to save my life. As I right this no examples come to mind, but my friends have heard it all.

Rena is at an age where she knows songs on the radio and likes to sing along. It is so funny listening to her sing so passionately and say all the wrong words. I really need to write this stuff down. It makes our morning drive more fun.....for me at least. She's usually a Miss Grumpy Pants.

What are some funny things you've said or heard wrong?

I'm in love...

Yes that is an MSU cheer leading outfit in my sister's house!!!

The second best thing to being a mom is being an aunt (and if Tim is reading this, it comes in third after being his wife). My niece Mallory is the sweetest pumpkin pie and it has been more fun than I could have imagine being her aunt. I love this stage when she actually knows who we are and has an opinion about us.....which according to Mallory is "FUN". She is quite shy, but not when it comes to Aunt Julie. The funniest things is that she LOVES Tim...funny how you ask...he basically ignores her. He's not one to dote on little kids. Tim thinks the girls like it when you ignore them : ) Not sure what the case is, but she sure thinks Uncle Tim is fun!

Rena is fantastic with her and they really enjoy playing together. Rena tries to play with her as long as she can, but hanging with Uncle Eric is her fun. When she is around Mallory she is very sweet and patient. Rena does enjoy doting on little kids and they like having her around. She makes a good cousin!

I am in love with this child and I want to take a big bite of her because she is so flippin' cute!! I will refrain (for now) as Kimberly wouldn't appreciate it.

Another joy is watching what great parents Kimberly and Eric are with her. And the feeling is mutual for Mallory. Not sure how she will handle her new brother/sister, but I think she will be an amazing big sister. Rena can help mentor her if there are problems in that area. For me, I can't wait wait to meet the next Baby Hass.

Possibly worse blogger on the planet....

My blog is SO boring!! Sorry for those of you who keep coming back and finding no new updates. We have been very busy lately and frankly have been overwhelmed by both good and bad events in our lives lately.

The bad: I have been to more funerals this year than ever
The good: I have been to more weddings this year than ever

The bad: Rena was struggling in school with her behavior (not grades)
The good: She has improved greatly (she is too smart for her own good)

The bad: Witnessed 2 childrens' funerals
The good: Celebrated LOTS of children's 2 year birthdays starting with sweet Gavin, Rena's sister Ava, our friend Eva, our friend Thomas, and my sweet niece Mallory!

The bad: Traveling for work a lot
The good: Appreciate being home

The bad: Our decision not to have children
The good: The daughter we have is amazing

The bad: I don't see my friends very much lately
The good: If I needed anything at all, they would be there in a heartbeat

The bad: Tracie who lost her baby in May had an unsuccessful in verto last month
The good: More time for her family's heart to heal before they try again. And the better - they will try again and again until they are blessed with a baby.

Lots to say, but never enough time to share it. I'll try to do better.

Tatum Wallace ~ June 1, 1998 - October 4, 2008

I know I've had this in a previous post, but bears repeating:

God's Lent Child

I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said

For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she’s dead.

It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three

But will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you and should her stay be brief

You’ll always have her memories as a solace in your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true

And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love and not think the labour vain,

Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.

For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.

We will shelter her with tenderness, we’ll love her while we may

And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.

But should the angels call her much sooner than we’d planned

We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

~ Author Unknown

Caitlyn & Tatum........

Tatum M. Wallace DeWitt Tatum M. Wallace, age 10, went home to be with her Lord on Saturday, October 4, 2008 after a courageous battle with cancer. Tatum was born in St. Johns on June 1, 1998 the daughter of Curtis and Dawn (Vandervest) Wallace and was a 5th grader at Herbison Woods School in DeWitt. She loved fashion, clothes, doing nails, make-up and hair. Survived by her parents, Curtis Wallace and Dawn Wallace, both of DeWitt and sister Paige Wallace at home; Grandparents, Bob Wallace of Potterville, MI, Fran Snider of Lansing, MI and Janice Vandervest of St. Johns, MI; and Best friends Emily Udry and Caitlyn Babb. Preceded in death by her grandfather, Elmer Vandervest. Funeral services will be held on Tuesday, October 7, 2008, 1:00 p.m. at Pilgrim United Methodist Church, (corner of Parks and DeWitt Rd.) with Pastor Ken Bremer officiating. Burial will follow at DeWitt Cemetery. The family will receive friends at Keck-Coleman Funeral Home, 989-224-4422 on Monday, October 6, 2008, 2-5 p.m. and 6-8 p.m. Memorial contributions may be made to Tatum Wallace Medical Expense Fund, c/o Bank of America, 12990 S. US 27, DeWitt, MI 48820 or Children's Miracle Network.

Back to school...not as fun as I thought

This year more than ever I was excited for Rena to go back to school. The 2 weeks prior to her going back to school, she was SO excited. A week before, we were notified of what class she would be in and even though it wasn't the teacher she wanted, she was still excited. The night before, she could hardly stand it. I almost had to sit on her to make her sit still. That morning she was awake before I was and ready to go in the outfit she's had laid out for a week. New shoes, new underwear, new undershirt & new backpack ready to roll. Went to school early to eat breakfast there. Later that day when I picked her up the fun was over. First she didn't want to leave the after school Y care as she was having fun playing. Then in the car she complained most of the way home about how she really didn't want this teacher. To make matters worse, the teacher she did want gave out stuffed animals (just to rub it in I'm sure). I really couldn't understand why. I asked if she didn't like the teacher (she said that wasn't it). I asked if the teacher was mean (she said no). I asked if her friends were in her class (she said yes). We stopped at Target for the supplies she needed (always wait for the first day before I buy a million things she doesn't need). She was out of control grumpy. I almost left her at Target I was so angry with her attitude. After she got some food in her body she seemed a little better. The next morning, grumpy grumperson woke up with attitude. Getting ready was a bunch of yelling and me loosing my mind. At drop off, I couldn't wait to be on my way to work for some peace and quiet. That night we had a meeting for her "smart kids" program so I picked her up late (thought she'd like that since I was too early the day before). We went to Burger King for dinner and she was hanging all over the rails that separate the line. Then she was on the floor (AT BURGER KING - gross). Tim was loosing his patience quickly. In that moment it dawned on me.....why wouldn't she be grumpy after a 3 month vacation. A vacation that included her moving her body 8-10 hours a day with activities. Some nights at the pool. Summer is good. Now she had to sit for almost 7 hours a day. No snack time (which she needs). I should have known better to be more patient with her and know she didn't have the opportunity to get her energy out. She was just a plain nightmare. The next day on the way to school, she started crying as if she just lost her arm. I turned around worried she lost a limb and asked "sweetheart, what's wrong". In a cry I haven't heard from her in a LONG time, she said "I forgot my shorts". Of course I wasn't sympathetic as I had reminder her several times to do so. She even asked me to turn around to get them. When I said no, she told me she wasn't going to go to school today. I replied, you don't have to, but you can't stay here. She claimed she wouldn't do anything. Of course I told her she didn't have to. She screamed, "YES I DO!". Finally the 10 minute drive that felt like 10 hours, we arrived at school in which I told her to "GET OUT OF MY CAR. Oh good times!
The good news is by Friday, we were both on track and she's been doing really well. Loves her teacher. Starts the "smart kids" program this week in which she gets to ride the bus (she's been dying to do that since she started school). Eat lunch in the big kids middle school cafeteria.
My sweet spirited child doesn't transition well and I should have thought about that before I let my expectations soar encouraged by her excitement for school to start. Lesson learned.....for now

No words....

Update from my post "Prayers Wanted"....

Little Tatum is not doing well as tumors continue to multiply in her esophagus to the point where there is now a visible bump on her body. Yesterday the oncologist gave her just a few weeks to live. Tatum is so angry, and who can blame her. Last night she went to the car and put her buckle on. Sweet Caitlyn tapped on the window and asked if she could sit with her. Tatum nodded yes, Caitlyn got in the car and the two friends sat there in silence for a half an hour. There are no words....

Christy was asked by Tatum's mom to tell Caitlyn the news. I've never been more proud of Christy because I can't imagine the task of telling your 10 year old daughter that her best friend is going to die. As an amazing mom, she did what she had to do and helped Caitlyn process what was happening. Of course, Caitlyn can't fully understand and had a million questions that no one has the answers to. As a mom, it hurts to not have those answers that will comfort your child. Christy gave her some amazing advice. 'spend as much time with Tatum as you can. when Tatum doesn't feel good, bring her movies to watch together. when Tatum doesn't want to talk, just sit and hold her hand'. Poor Caitlyn was up most of the night crying. There are no words......

Poor Tatum's mom can't wrap her head around what's happening and God knows no one should have to be in this place in life where you watch your 10 year old daughter die. There are no words....

God's Lent Child
I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three
But will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you and should her stay be brief
You’ll always have her memories as a solace in your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have chosen you.
Now will you give her all your love and not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter her with tenderness, we’ll love her while we may
And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.
But should the angels call her much sooner than we’d planned
We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

~ Author Unknown